No one is perfect. Even the healthiest couples don’t validate each other one hundred percent of the time. We’re all dealing with our own emotions, our own stressors, and our own thoughts. When we’re going through something ourselves, it makes it that much more difficult to validate our partner. However, a consistent lack of validation is one of the leading causes of unrest in a relationship.
Invalidation can come in many forms
It’s often subtle and unintentional but leaves the person who is invalidated feeling misunderstood and alone. If a partner feels invalidated again and again, they will eventually stop feeling like they can turn to their spouse for support. This leads to a diminishing intimacy and a lack of an honest connection.
One of the most common forms of invalidation is dismissing a partner’s emotions. For example, let’s say you come home from work after having a really bad day. You explain whatever conflict arose to your partner and instead of saying, “That really sucks,” or “I can imagine that would make you feel disrespected,” your partner says something like, “well, no one likes their job,” or “if you’re that unhappy, why don’t you just quit?” Oftentimes, invalidation comes in the form of problem solving, when in reality, the person just wants to be listened to without judgment.
Invalidation can be anything from eye rolling to scrolling on a phone when one partner is trying to share something. Everyone is guilty of it at times, and in many circumstances, it’s not malicious.
Yet, it can still be harmful. That’s why it’s important to practice validating your partner. In couples therapy, you’ll work with a trained professional to do just that. A simple validation practice can lead to astronomical growth in a relationship. Consistent and mindful validation allows for each partner to feel seen, heard, and understood.
Couples Therapy Services can help you
If you feel invalidated, Couples Therapy Services can help! Therapy can help you communicate more effectively, feel a greater sense of sense-worth, and feel validated. Call or text 732-656-8398, or fill out the contact form to schedule an appointment.