Gratitude and Relationships

With the holiday season approaching, The Couples Therapy blog wants to call out a very simple habit that can drastically improve a relationship: expressing gratitude.

When the pressures and habits of life cycle in and out, it’s easy to take the person you’re closest to for granted

With the addition of school feasts and travel plans packed onto an already full family schedule, we often go into habitual task and scheduling mode without taking a moment to see what’s in front of us. Life can be chaotic and demanding. Kids need to be on time for school and activities, parents need to be present at their jobs while battling tantrums and messes, and the illnesses that seem to be taking over every household in America. It seems that in our current society, there are more demands on us than ever before. We’re supposed to function well amidst all the chaos. We’re supposed to balance everything from work to kids, to leisure activities, and we’re supposed to have a smile on our face while doing so.

Because of all of these external pressures and obligations, it’s easy to lose sight of your partner. In the pecking order of what needs to be done now, connecting with your spouse is an easy task to take off the list. At times, anything can seem more important than taking time for each other, working on your relationship, and expressing appreciation. Without deadlines and meetings, it becomes a desired goal that never fully materializes.

At Couples Therapy Services, we’re urging you to take a step back this holiday season and to integrate gratitude into your daily routine

Why? It’s been proven that healthy couples maintain a ratio of five positive interactions for every one negative one. With all the stressors of daily life, this may seem like an unattainable goal, but it’s not. One way couples can increase this ratio is by showing gratitude for their partner. This doesn’t mean a long note, thanking your wife for everything she’d done for you in the history of your relationship (though it can be that if you’re feeling extra motivated). The easiest way to integrate a gratitude practice is to start appreciating your partner for small things. A simple, “Thanks for taking out the trash after a long day at the office. I know you do it all the time, but I want you to know, I really appreciate it” can do wonders. Your partner will feel seen and respected. They’ll feel noticed and like they’re actively contributing to the partnership instead of just going through the motions of maintaining daily life.

Need an assignment to get you going?

Carry a pen and paper around with you for an entire day after reading this blog. (You can also use the Notes app on your phone.) Go through this day with open eyes. Do your best to thank your partner for everything they’re doing to take care of the kids, the home, extended family, the relationship—anything that either of you might take for granted and view as ‘expected.’ We guarantee that at the end of the day, you’ll feel closer, more connected, and have a more balanced ratio. Small shifts in awareness can lead to big relationship breakthroughs. A little gratitude ca n go a long way.

Reach out today

It’s not too late to re-establish connection and long-lasting intimacy. In couples therapy, you can learn to communicate more effectively, regulate your emotions, build coping skills, feel a greater sense of self-worth, and find peace in your relationship.

We are proudly based in New Jersey and offer therapy for young parents, blended families, LGBTQIA couples, and more. Contact Couples Therapy services today to schedule to your free consultation.