Should We Stay Together? Understanding Discernment Counseling

You love each other, but lately, you're not sure what comes next.

Maybe you want to work on your relationship, but your partner isn't sure. Maybe you're the one wondering whether you want to stay. Or maybe you both feel stuck and don't know what to do. That uncertainty can be really hard, and you don't have to figure it out on your own.

When You're in Different Places

Sometimes one partner wants to keep trying while the other is thinking about separation. That doesn't mean either person is wrong. You may just be in different places right now.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling gives couples a chance to slow down and talk openly about their relationship before making a big decision.

It doesn't jump straight into fixing things. First, you take time to understand what has happened, how you're both feeling, and whether you want to work on the relationship.

From there, you can decide what feels right for you. That might mean committing to couples therapy, taking more time to think, or moving toward separation.

There's no pressure to have an answer right away.

What to Expect

Discernment counseling is short-term, usually four to five sessions. Each session includes time together and time with each partner individually, so you both have space to speak openly.

The goal isn't to solve your problems yet. It's to help you feel clear and confident about your next step. Your therapist will also talk with you about whether this approach is the right fit for your situation.

You Don't Have to Know Yet

Maybe you're hoping things can get better. Maybe you're unsure. Maybe you don't even know what you want anymore, and that's okay.

Discernment counseling is a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental place to talk about where you are and what you need. You don't have to know whether you're staying or leaving before you reach out. You can start exactly where you are.

If you're not sure what comes next, we're here to help you figure it out together.

Schedule a consultation call to learn whether discernment counseling is right for you.

References

Doherty, W. J., & Harris, S. M. (2024). Discernment counseling with a couple on the brink. In D. K. Snyder & J. L. Lebow (Eds.), What happens in couple therapy: A casebook on effective practice (pp. 119–138). The Guilford Press.

Doherty, W. J., & Harris, S. M. (2026). Helping couples on the brink of divorce: Discernment counseling for troubled relationships (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.